The Chaplain's Notebook


Thousands of deputies are husbands and wives. Thousands also spend countless hours on the job, picking up overtime, training and so on. As a result, they have limited time at home.

It goes without saying that although busy schedules help with the household income, they can also put pressure on marriages. In his Letter to the Ephesians, Paul the Apostle reminds husbands to take care of their wives. In Chapter 5, verses 28–29, he writes, “In the same way, husbands ought to love their wives as they love their own bodies. For a man who loves his wife actually shows love for himself. No one hates his own body but feeds and cares for it, just as Christ cares for the church.”

Paul gave us this great example of taking care of our significant others just as we take care of our own bodies. As a deputy, you understand the importance of keeping in shape. There are many paths to maintaining your physique and good health. But they all require time and consistency. Developing a healthy, strong body doesn’t just happen overnight. It takes months, sometimes years, to get to where we want to be. It often pays dividends we never imagined.

This is where discipline comes into play. Some days are harder than others, and some days we may not feel like working out. But we know feelings cannot dictate our choices. Instead, we always need to keep our goal in mind regardless of whether we’re in the mood or not! Over time, consistency makes it easier to continue on our path of caring for ourselves.

These principles can translate into caring for and nurturing your relationship with your significant other as well. It’s important to make time for your relationship — to communicate, meet one another’s needs and simply enjoy quality time together. Maybe look at what tasks can be done together, plan a weekend getaway or even simply turn the TV off once in a while and engage with each other instead. A little bit of real listening goes a long way!

All this lends itself to a healthy relationship. It’s not always easy, disagreements are bound to rise, but hanging in there even when it gets hard or uncomfortable creates deeper connection and stronger bonds. As with working out or any perishable skill training, if you fail to do it consistently, results can be uneven and few and far between. The same goes for nurturing a solid relationship. If we do not work at it diligently, we run the risk it will grow stale and can harm the entire family.

Although Paul wrote his letter 2,000 years ago, his advice is still good today. Invest in your loved ones just as you invest in yourself. Be there for them, especially when times are tough. Paul also wrote, “Love is patient, love is kind… It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres” (Cor. 13). In my humble opinion, he was right about that as well.

How can I contact a chaplain? Chaplains are available at their unit of assignment, or by calling the Psychological Services Bureau (PSB) at (213) 738-3500.